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All about the adventure – Dallas Voice

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All about the adventure – Dallas Voice

Jonathan Bennet and James Vaughan. (Photo by Nicholas Nicotera)

Bennett, Vaughan announce OUTbound cruises for LGBTQ travelers

Jonathan Bennett and James Vaughan just made history as the very first gay couple to ever appear on the cover of The Knot wedding magazine. The experience has made the couple very aware of just what that means — or could mean.

Vaughan explains, “We never intended for our wedding to become a statement or advocacy or any of that, but when I’m looking to find engagement rings to propose to my boyfriend … and the look I got. That’s when I realized, oh, we still aren’t as far along as we should be. We were like, we have to do something.”
But the couple isn’t just shaking things up on the glossy pages of magazines. They are also revolutionizing LGBTQ travel. When it comes to travel, they want everyone to be able to feel safe and make lifelong connections with their traveling companions and with the places they explore together.

“As much as we would hope that in 2021 everyone is inclusive of everyone and everyone is loving and supportive of everyone, we’re not there yet. So the reason we need these spaces is so we can feel safe to see the world and not have to worry about a glance or a comment or what have you,” Vaughan says.

That’s why they founded OUTbound, where, right now, their biggest ship is only 200 cabins. “Intimate, boutique experiences to bucket-list destinations. That is my favorite way to describe it,” Bennett says.

OUTbound is hosting its inaugural trip in early November, a Greek Isles Cruise with an optional Monsters and Gods pre-party and a drag brunch with stars — Heidi N Closet, Jan, and Jackie Cox — from RuPaul’s Drag Race. They make no bones about waiting to make a splash right from the start.

You likely know Bennett from Mean Girls. He played the heartthrob who Lindsey Lohan’s character steals away. He continues to be a very busy guy, reprising his role on Shondaland’s Station 19, releasing the best-seller Mean Girls Burn (Cook)book, appearing in Ariana Grande’s latest ”Thank You, Next” video and starring in Hallmark’s film The Christmas House.

Vaughan is an actor, director, writer and producer, who now hosts Celebrity Page. He also came in second on the Amazing Race and has hosted American Music Awards’ Red Carpet Live. Travel is his middle name.

Dallas Voice had the chance to FaceTime with the couple and learn all about OUTbound, and what makes them the perfect pair to found it and to host guests on adventures all around the globe.

Dallas Voice: So, you’ve gotten engaged — Mazel tov! And now you’re starting an all-inclusive, all-included LGBTQ+ travel company – OUTbound. What makes OUTbound so special in the field? Bennett: It’s just something fresh and new in gay travel that no one has. It’s not a floating circuit party. It’s different. So it’s exciting. I love a good floating circuit party. But it’s just ours is a different way to travel, a different experience. It’s about finding those places where they’re excited for us to be there and they’re celebrating with us.

Has travel always been your thing since you were little? Bennett: Yes. And adventure’s always been a huge thing from us as a couple from the day we met.
Vaughan: Our first date wasn’t that crazy. We just went and sat on the beach for six hours, which is my idea of the dream date. We bonded over the fact that we had both lost our dads to cancer in the same year. And Jonathan’s dad’s tagline was, “It’s all about adventure.” He always said, “Everything is all about adventure.”

If something’s going wrong, it doesn’t matter; it’s all about adventure. So we decided on our first date, we’re like, “Hey, if this works out, that should be our tagline.” We should be that couple that it’s all about adventure.

And seeing as you’re engaged, I guess it all worked out? Vaughan: Yes! Turns out, it worked out. So here we are and adventure really is our theme. So it makes so much sense that we would create OUTbound, so we could take these adventures all over the world with our LGBTQ family in a space that we are not only safe but we are also celebrated. Because we completely charter these ships or resorts or whatever it is, and we take them over completely with our staff, our LGBTQ fam. And it’s a space where you can come see the world and also always feel safe to hold your partner’s hand. Always feel safe to live how you want, always feel safe to express yourself how you want, because you are amongst family.

I did Amazing Race 10 years ago, so I’m an adventure person regardless. I’ve always been all about travel. I’ve been to 40 countries now. So it’s always been big for me. Jon has traveled as well. We’ve gotten to go to some cool places together. Our goal is to create these adventures with the group that really becomes a family and we all explore the world together.

This might be a cruel question for you, but do you have one all-time favorite travel experience or moment that was like, “I will never stop traveling. This is life”? Bennett: So, going to get the first look at the Olympics and the Olympic Village in South Korea a few years ago was one of the coolest experiences of my life. And getting to see all of the different parts of the country and experience all of the different parts of the culture. I got to experience another culture to its fullest, and it really made me want to travel the world more and experience what the world has to offer.

Vaughan: I kind of think those moments where you get to actually be a part of the culture and a part of what the experience is like for the people that live there are the moments that really grab you and make you say, “I want to do more of this.”

Absolutely. So, when it comes to OUTbound, one of the really unique things is that all of the excursions are already planned and are all included, right? So you go on the cruise and you stop at each port, and there’s already something planned? Vaughan: Yes! The excursions are already set up. Once you book, you don’t have to worry about anything.

Bennett: You just trust us and follow along and we’ll show you what you want to see in those locations.

Vaughan: What we tried to do was just go through and say, “Okay, when we travel, what is it that we want?” And we tried to just do that checklist and then make OUtbound be that. And that’s why it’s smaller ships, so you can actually get to know people more. Smaller ships can also go to the cooler ports, and with smaller ships we also can include the excursions and things like that. So it’s all just taken care of.

Bennett: It’s all about checking off your bucket list with OUTbound. It’s about going to those locations that you’ve always dreamed about going to and going with a family where you’re safe and you are celebrated while you do it. We are all-inclusive and all included, meaning everyone’s welcome and everything is included. It’s not just for gay men, it’s for every member of the LGBTQ family.

Vaughan: What better way to see the world then to do it with this LGBTQ+ family that we’re building. Because that’s our goal in this. Our goal is to create these adventures with the group that really becomes a family, and we all explore the world. Together.

Living the island life – Dallas Voice

Kim Martel
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Living the island life – Dallas Voice

The Equator Resort

Key West’s LGBTQ business struggled, but survived. Now they’re ready to welcome you back

The pandemic sadly struck a death knell for many legacy LGBTQ businesses around the country. But fear not Key West fans: The island’s small gay-owned hotels, bars and restaurants struggled over the last year, but they survived and are poised to welcome visitors back, better than ever.

Key West entrepreneur Joe Schroeder owns the gay Bourbon Street Pub and 801 Bourbon Bar complexes as well as the 15-unit gay guesthouse, New Orleans House. He used a mandated three-month closure of hotels in March 2020 to renovate all of his hotel rooms, getting rid of carpet in the rooms and replacing it with wood and other materials that would make it easier to disinfect after a guest leaves.

Schroeder and other bar owners were eventually allowed to offer takeout service, then indoor service with food. Now bars can operate at full capacity with indoor and outdoor seating but with six feet of social distance between parties.

New Orleans House hosts the New Year’s Eve shoe drop, made world famous by CNN’s live coverage of the event featuring the drag queen Sushi being lowered to Duval Street in a giant ruby-red stiletto at midnight. This past New Year’s Eve a 10 p.m. curfew meant that Schroeder had a smaller shoe-lowering event in the Garden Bar.

“Key West is one of the safest places you can be,” said the businessman, adding that the island’s weather means you can both dine and experience nightlife outdoors.

“When people feel safe to travel they will be coming here to a very safe destination because the community and our local government have really pulled out all the stops,” echoed Kevin Theriault, executive director of the Key West Business Guild. He added that the city of Key West has set stricter standards than its county, requiring everyone to wear masks in public.

Police patrol on foot on the city’s main drag, Duval Street, regularly stopping anyone not wearing a mask and reminding them of the mask mandate. Virtually every store and business in the city has a sign advising clients to mask-up.

“Small island tiny hospital,” reads a sign in front of a restaurant, emphasizing the importance of staying masked.

The Key West Business Guild maintains a tourist information storefront on Duval Street, where you can get a copy of Isolated Island — The Key West COVID-19 Spring of 2020 way, a photo book chronicling the pandemic’s impact on the island. Profits from book sales go to Sister Season Fund, a charity that helps service industry workers and helps prevent homelessness.

The consensus among business owners is that once the pandemic is over, tourism will return with a vengeance: “We’re looking at 2021 as being a great year,” said Laura Zequeira, the longtime manager of the upscale LGBT-mixed 17-room Alexander’s Guesthouse “Right now we are just treading water. But 2021 could be our best year yet.”

Alexander’s is directly across the street from the world-renowned gay male resort, Island House, where longtime manager Paul Murray said Island House also used the three-month closure to make some improvements, including constructing a new steam room and sprucing up the rooms. The 39-room Island House also includes a restaurant and bar, dry sauna, fitness center, indoor and outdoor hot tubs and a large pool.

Murray also expects a busy 2021. He noted that many guests postponed rather than cancel their existing reservations. And the resort is open for day passes.

A rainbow crosswalk marks the intersection of Duval and Petronia Streets

The gay male resort Equator is just down the street and is another gay Key West favorite. The 34-room guesthouse is a combination of five historic properties, and each building and hotel room has its own unique charm. The resort continued its free expanded continental breakfast but rebranded it as grab-and-go service to encourage guests to social distance while eating. Given the quality of this top-notch resort, it won’t have any trouble attracting travelers back when the pandemic ends. The resort deservedly ranks

No. 1 in TripAdvisor.com’s ranking of 40 speciality lodging hotels in Key West.

All the island’s gay bars and hotels are in the Old Town section of Key West, the southern part of the island where most of the tourist attractions are, including the Hemmingway House, Mallory Square and the Southernmost Point Buoy. By the way, during the 2020 coronavirus closures, the landmark buoy that marks the southernmost point of the continental U.S. was cordoned off and covered in plastic to deter tourists, but it is open now with signs on the sidewalk asking people to social distance.

The Aqua, Back Bar and Sidebar are all just steps from the Bourbon Bar complexes. The Back Bar is an outdoor bar that was a big asset during the pandemic restrictions.
The locals’ gay dive bar, Bobby’s Monkey Bar, is the place to be to mix it up more with locals. A mural on the side of the bar depicts the Conch Rebellion in 1982, when Key

West briefly — and mostly facetiously — declared itself a separate country from the U.S.

Key West’s longtime gay sailing tour company, the Blue Q, was able to weather the pandemic and restarted its sailing tours last fall, with modifications including changes to food service to improve safety for employees and guests. Blue Q offers clothing-optional sails on its catamaran, and summer month offerings include sandbar excursions which can more easily accommodate social distancing guidelines.

Gay author Tennessee Williams has a museum dedicated to him in Old Town. It is open to visitors by appointment and for private tours and is expected to return to full schedule when the pandemic ends. It is a must-stop for any LGBTQ traveler to Key West.

Key West’s public mask mandate will go away this summer. On May 3, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed an executive order banning COVID-19 restrictions throughout the state effective July 1. That law will not apply to any rules for masking that individual businesses may mandate.

…………………..

United Extends Houston–Key West Daily Nonstop Service through Labor Day Weekend

As of May 6 United Airlines is extending its daily nonstop service between Houston’s George Bush Intercontinental Airport (IAH) and Key West International Airport (EYW) through the Labor Day holiday.

The Houston–Key West service, on United’s Embraer E175 aircraft, offers seating for 70 passengers, with 58 main and 12 first-class seats. Launched Dec. 17, the service was scheduled to run through May 5 and is now extended through Sept. 7.

“Houston is a popular origin city for Texas visitors who want to experience the Florida Keys,” said Richard Strickland, director of airports for the Florida Keys & Key West.
American Airlines also has daily Texas nonstop service between Dallas–Fort Worth International Airport (DFW) and EYW.

United also offers nonstop daily service to Key West from Washington Dulles (IAD), Chicago O’Hare (ORD) and New Jersey’s Newark Liberty (EWR) international airports.

For more information visit United Airlines at united.com or call 800-864-8331, or visit Key West International Airport at eyw.com or call 305-809-5200.

Florida Keys visitor information: fla-keys.com or 1-800-FLA-KEYS
Key West visitor information: fla-keys.com/keywest or 1-800-LAST-KEY
Social: Facebook • Twitter • Instagram • Youtube • Keys Voices blog

With Ambassador Picks, Biden Faces Donor vs. Diversity Test – Voice of America

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With Ambassador Picks, Biden Faces Donor vs. Diversity Test – Voice of America

WASHINGTON – President Joe Biden is facing a fresh challenge to his oft-repeated  commitment to diversity in his administration: assembling a diplomatic corps that gives a nod to key political allies and donors while staying true to a campaign pledge to appoint ambassadors who look like America.

More than three months into his administration, Biden has put forward just 11 ambassador nominations and has more than 80 such slots to fill around the globe. Administration officials this week signaled that Biden is ready to ramp up ambassador nominations as the president prepares for foreign travel and turns greater attention to global efforts to fight the coronavirus.  

Lobbying has intensified for more sought-after ambassadorial postings — including dozens of assignments that past presidents often dispensed as rewards to political allies and top donors. Those appointments often come with an expectation that the appointees can foot the bill for entertaining on behalf of the United States in pricey, high-profile capitals.  

But as he did with the assembling of his Cabinet and hiring top advisers, Biden is putting a premium on broadening representation in what historically has been one of the least diverse areas of government, White House officials say.

“The president looks to ensuring that the people representing him — not just in the United States, but around the world — represent the diversity of the country,” White House press secretary Jen Psaki told reporters this week.

Presidents on both sides of the aisle have rewarded donors and key supporters with a significant slice of sought-after ambassadorships. About 44% of Donald Trump’s ambassadorial appointments were political appointees, compared with 31% for Barack Obama and 32% for George W. Bush, according to the American Foreign Service Association. Biden hopes to keep political appointments to about 30% of ambassador picks, according to an administration official who spoke on the condition of anonymity to talk about internal discussions.

Most political appointees from the donor class, a small population that’s made up of predominantly white men, have little impact on foreign policy. Occasionally, they have been the source of presidential headaches.

Trump’s appointees included hotelier and $1 million inaugural contributor Gordon Sondland, who served as chief envoy to the European Union. Sondland provided unflattering testimony about Trump during his first impeachment, which centered on allegations Trump sought help from Ukrainian authorities to undermine Biden ahead of the 2020 presidential election. Sondland was later fired by Trump.

Trump donor-turned-envoy Jeffrey Ross Gunter left locals in relatively crime-free Reykjavik, Iceland, aghast over his request to hire armed bodyguards. In Britain, Ambassador Robert “Woody” Johnson faced accusations  he tried to steer golf’s British Open toward a Trump resort in Scotland and made racist and sexist comments.

In 2014, the American Foreign Service Association called for new guidelines to ensure that ambassadors meet certain qualifications for top diplomatic posts after a series of embarrassing confirmation hearings involving top Obama fundraisers. At least three of Obama’s nominees — for Norway, Argentina and Iceland — acknowledged during confirmation hearings that they had never been to the nations where they would serve.  

Another big Obama donor, Cynthia Stroum, had a one-year tour in Luxembourg that was fraught with personality conflicts, verbal abuse and questionable expenditures on travel, wine and liquor, according to an internal State Department report.

So far, Biden has made two political appointments — retired career foreign service officer Linda Thomas-Greenfield for U.N. ambassador and Obama-era Deputy Labor Secretary Christopher Lu for another ambassadorial-ranked position at the U.N. Thomas-Greenfield is Black, and Lu, who is awaiting Senate confirmation, is Asian American.  

His other nine nominees are all longtime career foreign service officers, picked to head up diplomatic missions in Algeria, Angola, Bahrain, Cameroon, Lesotho, Republic of Congo, Senegal, Somalia and Vietnam.

Jockeying for ambassadorial positions started soon after Biden was elected and has only heated up as administration officials have signaled that the president is looking to begin filling vacancies ahead of his first overseas travel next month.

Cindy McCain, the widow of Republican Sen. John McCain and a longtime friend of the president and first lady Jill Biden, is under consideration for an ambassadorial position, including leading the U.N. World Food Program. Rahm Emanuel, the former Chicago mayor, Illinois congressman and Obama chief of staff, is in contention to serve as ambassador to Japan after being  passed up for the role of transportation secretary, according to people familiar with the ongoing deliberations who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss personnel matters.

Biden is also giving close consideration to former career foreign service officer Nicholas Burns, who served as undersecretary of state under George W. Bush and as U.S. envoy to Greece and NATO, to become ambassador to China. Thomas Nides, a former deputy secretary of state in the Obama administration, and Robert Wexler, a former Democratic congressman from Florida, are under consideration for ambassador to Israel.  

The White House declined to comment about any of the potential picks.

Of the 104 diplomats currently serving or nominated for ambassador-level positions, 39 are women and 10 are people of color, according to the Leadership Council for Women in National Security, a bipartisan group of national security experts.

A group of more than 30 former female U.S. ambassadors, in an open letter organized by the Leadership Council and Women Ambassadors Serving America, urged Biden to prioritize gender parity in his selections for ambassadorships and other high-level national security positions.

“As you build out your diplomatic leadership, we hope you will pay attention to growing allies within the U.S. government who will also focus upon the diversity America’s representatives to the world should demonstrate,” the former ambassadors told Biden.  

During the transition, Reps. Veronica Escobar and Joaquin Castro, both Texas Democrats, wrote a joint letter to Secretary of State Antony Blinken urging the administration to address the “persistence of grave disparities in racial and ethnic minority representation in the Foreign Service.”  

To that end, the State Department last month appointed veteran diplomat Gina Abercrombie-Winstanley as its first chief diversity and inclusion officer. Abercrombie-Winstanley will be the point person in a department-wide effort to bolster recruitment, retention and promotion of minority foreign service officers.

Blinken, in announcing her appointment, noted “the alarming lack of diversity at the highest levels of the State Department” during the Trump administration, but said the issue runs much deeper.
“The truth is this problem is as old as the department itself,” he said.

As a candidate, Biden declined to rule out appointing political donors to ambassadorships or other posts if he was elected. But he pledged his nominees would be the “best people” for their posts.

“Nobody, in fact, will be appointed by me based on anything they contributed,” Biden promised.
Ronald Neumann, a former ambassador to Afghanistan, Algeria and Bahrain, said Biden’s team has made progress in the early going in diversifying the upper ranks of the State Department.  

He pointed to the nomination of Donald Lu, a career foreign service officer, as the next assistant secretary of state for South and Central Asia and Brian A. Nichols  to be the top envoy for Latin America. Nichols would be the first Black assistant secretary of state for Western Hemisphere affairs since the late 1970s; Lu is Asian American.

In addition, the State Department’s chief spokesperson, Ned Price, is the first openly gay man to serve in that role. His principal deputy, Jalina Porter, is the first Black woman in that job.
“I think the administration is finding a good balance of experienced, accomplished career foreign service officers coming from diverse backgrounds,” said Neumann, who heads the American Academy of Diplomacy.

Finding good picks from Biden’s donor class, however, might be trickier, Neumann said, adding, “I don’t know how you go about finding competent, big donors from a pool that might be limited in diversity.”

US Army during Python. LGBT and gender in the attack – ADMET.net

Kim Martel
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US Army during Python. LGBT and gender in the attack – ADMET.net

“We are making history on Friday with the first gay crew of a U.S. Navy helicopter,” senior naval intelligence and now left-wing activist Travis Agers tweeted.

Last week, the U.S. Air Force announced the formation of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer Initiative Group. Lesbian and Major General Leah Lauderbach, one of the founders of the group, said: “I expect our group to grow – our community and partners want to help!”

Human Rights Campaign: Thousands of transgender people in the military

The change in politics within days of Joe Biden’s inauguration was hailed by LGBT military activists as a “milestone event” that opens up a wide range of promotional opportunities for non-hereditary people with gender identity disorders.

After Donald Trump withdrew from politics, the language of the largest LGBT campaign, the human rights campaign was disbanded and news of the number of its azolites in the military was announced. According to the organization, there are expected to be thousands of transgender people in the U.S. military, which will make the Department of Defense the largest employer of transgender people in the United States.

Regardless of the possible truth of these revelations, conservative militants and commentators are concerned about the direction Joe Biden has given to the U.S. military. General Jerry Boyk’s phrase was “completely relevant to President Biden’s LGBT agenda – and has nothing to do with military readiness, which should always be important at the Pentagon.”

Billions of dollars for gender propaganda in the LGBT and military

Critics of the new direction point to the enormous, multi-billion dollar costs that U.S. taxpayers will face in the coming years over the implementation of facilities for LGBT people and gender (in relation to training, medical services or bathroom equipment).

“Biden has made it clear that he wants to deal with the rules to suppress opposition to the implementation of the far-left agenda,” Kristen Wagner, a lawyer for the Alliance Defending Freedom, told the Washington Post.

Gay Agenda • May 7, 2021 – Dallas Voice

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Gay Agenda • May 7, 2021 – Dallas Voice

The Gay Agenda

Have an event coming up? Email your information to Managing Editor Tammye Nash at nash@dallasvoice.com or Senior Staff Writer David Taffet at taffet@dallasvoice.com by Wednesday at 5 p.m. for that week’s issue.

The Gay Agenda is now color-coded: Red for community events; blue for arts and entertainment; purple for sports; green for nightlife and orange for civic events and holidays.

• Every Monday: THRIVE

Resource Center’s THRIVE Support Group for people 50 and older meets virtually from 11:45 a.m.-1 p.m. led by a SMU Intern from their counseling program. A secure Zoom Room opens at 11:30 a.m. for people to join and chat. Email THRIVE@myresourcecenter.org to request the link.

• Every Tuesday: Totally Tuesdays

A night of totally fetch throwbacks hosted by Marissa Kage. Masks required. 11 p.m. at The Round-Up Saloon, 3912 Cedar Springs Road.

• Weekly: Frontrunners

Meet in Lee Park where the old statue stood on Wednesdays at 7:15 p.m. and Saturdays at 9 a.m. for a one-hour walk/run on the Katy Trail.

• Biweekly: Hope Cottage Foster Parent Information Meeting

Hope Cottage holds information meetings for those interested in becoming foster parents. The meetings are held alternately on Saturdays at 10 a.m. and Thursdays at 6 p.m. For information email Clyde Hemminger at chemminger@hopecottage.org.

MAY

• May 7-8: Strut Your Mutt

The annual race to end animal cruelty is virtual this year with minimal contact swag bag pick-ups taking place the weekend of the event from noon-2 p.m. at Jan Rees-Jones Animal Care Center, 2400 Lone Star Drive. Register and form a team at GoStrut.org.

• May 7-31: Everyone Has Special Needs

• May 7: ArtCultivation

Resident artists Allegre Ballet Folklorico and Poppy Xander are joined by Sofia Torres, Jessi Jones, Rosalee, Gabriel Scampini and Maria Acevedo at 8 p.m. at 723 Fort Worth Ave. Tickers at Artstillery.org/vip.

• May 8: Queer Reads

Join the Dallas Public Library online to discuss Semi Queer by Anne Balay. Register at https://dallaslibrary.librarymarket.com/events/queer-reads-book-club-4

• May 8: Dieseled

Purple Party presents Dieseled, a party with a purpose with music by DJ Cindel. Building housing for homeless LGBTQ youth. 9 p.m.-2 a.m. RBC, 2617 Commerce St. Tickets at Dieseled.com.

• May 8: Perry Heights Neighborhood lawn sale

Stroll and shop through the Perry Heights neighborhood along Rawlins, N. Hall and Vandelia streets and see what treasures you may find from 8 a.m.-1 p.m.

• May 8: Mother’s Day Drag Brunch

Mayra D’Lorenzo, Reign LaRue, Jacob Lopez, May May Graves and Jerssy Parga at 2 p.m. at Blue Cenote

312 West Davis St.

• May 8: Dallas Burlesque Festival

The Dallas Burlesque Festival returns for its 12th year featuring Lou Lou D’Vil and Ryan Kelsey at 7:30 p.m. at the Fair Park Bandshell. DallasBurlesqueFest.com.

• May 9: Second Sunday at Turtle Creek Park

Celebrate Mother’s Day at Turtle Creek Park. The Meridian String Quartet will be performing today’s top hits along with the classics. Halal Mother Trucker Food Truck. Gorgeous jewelry selections will be able from multiple vendors for last minute Mother’s Day shopping. Bring your blankets and lawn chairs and socially distance on the lawn. 5-7 p.m. Turtle Creek Park, 3333 Turtle Creek Blvd.

• May 9: Tapped Out Drag Brunch

Jenni P hosts from non-4 p.m. $29.95. Cedar Springs Tap House, 4123 Cedar Springs Road #100.

• Through May 9: The Rising

The rising is an the interactive, multimedia musical experience presented by Exude Love Foundation and Rainbow Vomit that combines live performers, ground-breaking interactive technology and new, original music by the UK group HÆLOS. The 45-minute performance is limited to eight guests per experience. $60. For showtimes and tickets, visit ExudeLove.org or RainbowVomit.com.

• May 13: PFLAG Dallas

Virtual support meeting for parents, family and friends of LGBTQ people meets the second Thursday of the month at 7 p.m. Register for link at PFLAGDallas.org.

• May 13: Bleach Banquette Bingo

play bingo with a glass of bubbly as Bleach hosts Bleach Banquette Bingo from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at Canvas Hotel Dallas, 1325 Botham Jean Blvd.

• May 13-15: #DigitalConnection

The Elevator Project 2021 presents #DigitalConnection presented by mixamotus, a human-digital interface art exploration that blends dance, music, and video mapping technology to create an immersive new media performance at the Wyly Theatre, 2400 Flora St. at 8 p.m. Tickets at tickets.attpac.org/production/55205.

• May 13-22: Butterflies Are Free

Rover Dramawerks presents the classic comedy Butterflies are Free by Leonard Gershe at The Core Theatre, 518 W. Arapaho Road, Richardson. Thursdays and Fridays at 8 p.m. and Saturdays at 3 and 8 p.m. RoverDramaWerks.com.

• May 14: Texas Justice: Brandon Woodruff

Documentary about a Texas man wrongly convicted of murdering his parents simply because he is gay at 6 p.m. at Texan Theater, 2712 Lee St., Greenville. $7.50.

• May 15-June 19: Rusty Scruby

Gay artist Rusty Scruby has a solo exhibit called Comfort at Cris Worley Fine Arts, 1845 E. Levee St. Suite 110. Open house on May 15 from noon-4 p.m. CrisWorley.com.

• May 16: Crawfish for a Cause

Crawfish for a Cause: Mental Health Matters sponsored by Mental Health America of Greater Dallas is an online event with music and info on how important mental well-being is including information for the LGBTQ community. Free but a $25 donation includes a t-shirt. Tickets at eventbrite.com/e/crawfish-for-a-cause-tickets-148835413729?fbclid=IwAR1H9Usp9pvwTgXDPP2fs69CzmSveXQ8ilXLg_8k_VGiOSXfypVI_-Njnfg.

• Through May 16: Shirin Neshat: I Will Greet the Sun Again

Thirty-year retrospective of artist Shirin Neshat’s work runs through May 16 at The Modern, 3200 Darnell St., Fort Worth. TheModern.org.

• Through May 17: Cufflink Art group show

Group show in a variety of mediums includes meticulous graphite drawings by Marshall Harris, subliminal compositions through oil on canvas by Linda Shobe, personal storytelling via collage by Dwight Owsley, intimate close-up portraits from the perspective of Nathan Madrid, dark yet mischievous concrete sculptures by Ross Bonfanti, and digitally abstract maps manipulated by Scott Anderson. Cufflink Art, Dickson-Jenkins Lofts and Plaza, 120 St. Louis Ave. Suite 149, Fort Worth. CufflinkArt.com.

• May 19: Unity

A virtual party benefiting the LGBTQ+ Real Estate Alliance DFW Chapter and Dallas Hope Charities with Marsha Dimes streamed live at 7 p.m. on YouTube and at MarshaDimes.com/unity.

• Through May 19: Texas Gypsies

Sammons Center for the Arts presents a virtual concert featuring Steve Curry on guitar and vocals, Tony Baker, Brian Sandridge, Joe Perez, Andrew Griffith and Travis Udall . Concerts begin at 7:30 p.m. and are presented as 48-hour rentals on Vimeo. $10. Members free. SammonsArtCenter.org.

• May 21: Federal Club

Transforming from ally to advocate. A discussion of how an in-group can advance the interests of an oppressed or marginalized out-group. To be a part of the discussion of how allies can become strategic players, visit DFWFederalClub.org.

• May 22-23: The Wars of the Roses

Shakespeare Dallas presents a staged reading of Shakespeare’s history plays: Henry VI Part I, Henry VI Part II, Henry VI Part III and Richard III at Samuell-Grand Amphitheatre, 6000 E. Grand Ave. at noon.

• May 22-23: Dallas Black Dance Theater

DBDT’s Spring Celebration performance features guest artist Alicia Graf Mack, dean and director of the Juilliard School. The virtual performance can be streamed from Saturday at 7 p.m. to Sunday at 11:59 p.m. $30 per household. DBDT.com.

• May 23: WOOD/SHOP

The third in a series of three programs features innovative new works by Bruce Wood Dance company dancers Weaver Rhodes and Seth York at 4 p.m. on Zoom. Free. Register at BruceWoodDance.org.

• Through May 23: Cotton Patch Gospel

This rustic musical full of bluegrass, country, and gospel music is “the greatest story ever retold.” Outdoors at the back lot of The Firehouse Theatre, 2535 Valley View Lane, Farmers Branch. $36. TheFirehouseTheatre.com.

• May 25: Name and gender change workshop

Lambda Legal discusses what the process looks like in Texas to secure state and federal identity documents. Lawyers can receive CLE credit. Meeting via Zoom. LambdaLegal.org.

• May 27-29: Tenants/Tenets

TENANTS/TENETS is a futurist dance theatre performance that spontaneously generates a fully functioning society in which its community must determine their responsibility to each other, based on their individual identities, presented by Very Good Dance Theatre at the Wyly Theatre, 2400 Flora St. at 8 p.m. Tickets at tickets.attpac.org/production/55208.

• May 29: Musical Moments

Coalition for Aging LGBT presents a virtual concert series featuring LGBTQ artists and allies the last Saturday of the month at 3 p.m. To register, visit cfa.lgbt/musicalmoments.

• May 29: Our Odyssey

Utilizing artistic expression to stimulate increased awareness about Pan-African experiences with racial injustice, Bandan Koro and special guests will explore and engage with audiences of all ages and backgrounds about the ongoing plight for justice and equality while reinforcing our collective power to change the future experience. Strauss Square, 2389 Flora St. at 8 p.m. Tickets at tickets.attpac.org/booking/production/bestavailable/55865.

• Through May 31: A Celebration of Friendship

Artist Melanie Brannan is raising funds for the AIM at Melanoma Foundation with an exhibit that explores the meaning of friendship and the potential loss of that relationship with 20 paintings that chronicle her friendship with someone struggling with a diagnosis of nodular melanoma. From noon-5 p.m. on Monday-Friday and at all public events at Messanine Gallery at the Eisemann Center for the Performing Arts, 2351 Performance Drive, Richardson.

JUNE

• June 3: Name and gender change workshop

Lambda Legal discusses what the process looks like in Texas to secure state and federal identity documents. Lawyers can receive CLE credit. Meeting via Zoom. LambdaLegal.org.

• June 3-6 and 10-13: Hamlet Project

Shakespeare Dallas presents Hamlet Project, a world premiere performance event where actors perform a one-person interpretation of Hamlet with 16 actors given only 24 hours to prepare prior to curtain at Samuell-Grand Amphitheatre, 6000 E. Grand Ave. at 8:15 p.m.

• June 3-July 4: The Music Man

Theatre Three presents a 10-person, boutique production of The Music Man outdoors at Coppell Senior Center

345 W Bethel Road, Coppell on June 3–13, in Oak Lawn at Union Coffee Shop, 3705 Cedar Springs Road from June 16–27 and Texas Discovery Gardens, 3601 MLK Blvd. on June 30– July 4. Tickets are $75 for a 2-person socially distant square. Theatre3Dallas.com.

• June 4-5: Dallas Pride

Dallas Pride is back with a 2021 celebration to raise awareness and celebrate the LGBTQ+ community. This year’s events will take place Friday and Saturday, June 4 and 5, and will be the best version of what is possible at this time, prioritizing public health while providing numerous opportunities for LGBTQ+ people and allies to experience visibility, solidarity, and joy. In addition to the outside, in-person experiences, the event will also be streamed online for those who feel more comfortable watching from home.

Both events will be held outdoors, in the Band Shell at Fair Park, and gates will open at 7 p.m. On Friday night, the event will feature musical entertainment. On Saturday evening, a variety show hosted by entertainer Marsha Dimes will feature local and regional entertainment including Kennedy Davenport, The Fly Queens, The Sisters-in-Action, the Rose Room cast, Sister Helen Holy, and Anton Shaw, in addition to other entertainers to be announced.

• June 4-5: Cinderella

Ballet North Texas presents the story of an ordinary girl experiencing one magical night, thanks to her Fairy Godmother and a pair of glass slippers featuring Prokofiev’s jubilant score. Winspear Opera House, 2403 Flora St. Tickets at ATTPAC.org.

• June 4-5: Taste Addison

Since its inception in 1993, Taste Addison has earned a reputation for curating the most exciting collection of musical entertainment and pairing it with a menu of culinary treats that showcases the city’s celebrated restaurant history. On Friday, the David Whiteman Band covers a wide range of genres, Emerald City Band plays danceable Top 40 covers and Flo Rida sings rap. On stage on Saturday are Satisfaction: The International Rolling Stones Show, Lit, Hoobastank, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and Third Eye Blind. Friday 6 p.m.-midnight. Saturday 2 p.m.-midnight. Addison Circle Park

4970 Addison Circle, Addison. Tickets at TasteAddisonTexas.com.

• June 5: Bloomin Ball

Benefit for AIN. Thelma Houston performs. Cocktails, silent auction, three-course seated meal with a performance by Denise Lee, after party with drinks and dancing from 6 p.m.-midnight at Renaissance Dallas Hotel, 2222 N. Stemmons Freeway. AINDallas.org.

• June 10: PFLAG Dallas

Virtual support meeting for parents, family and friends of LGBTQ people meets the second Thursday of the month at 7 p.m. Register for link at PFLAGDallas.org.

• June 12: Queer Reads

Queer Reads is an online book club meets the second Saturday of every month from 6:30-7:30 p.m. Register at dallaslibrary.librarymarket.com/events/queer-reads-book-club-0.

• June 13: Catholic Pride

New Ways Ministries is hosting Catholic LGBTQ Pride with an interactive prayer service on Zoom from 2-3 p.m. central time. Register at NewWaysMinistry.org.

• June 15-17: DEI Conference

The Texas Diversity Equity & Inclusion Conference virtually brings together LGBT Chamber member businesses and other certified businesses, DEI professionals, supplier diversity professionals, employee resource group members and more.

• June 18: Federal Club

HRC DFW Federal Club cocktails and conversation as members and guests meet virtually. DFWFederalClub.org for details.

• June 18: Pride Party +

Virtual kick-off from 6:30-7:30 p.m.

• June 18: Name and gender change workshop

Lambda Legal discusses what the process looks like in Texas to secure state and federal identity documents. Lawyers can receive CLE credit. Meeting via Zoom. LambdaLegal.org.

• June 18-20: Juneteenth Unity Weekend 2021

Hosted by Dallas Southern Pride. Free. Sheraton Suites Market Center, 2101 N. Stemmons Freeway is the host hotel. Code DSP for $89 rate. Ultimate Mega Party at Gilley’s Dallas, 1135 S. Lamar St. on Saturday from 10 p.m.-3 a.m.

• June 18-Sept. 5: Jurassic World: The Exhibition

You’ve seen the films. Now experience them in real life at Jurassic World: The Exhibition. Educational, immersive, interactive and most of all, awesome, the Exhibition will thrill audiences of all ages as they come face to face with these mighty and sometimes vicious creatures. Grandscape, 5752 Grandscape Blvd, The Colony.

• June 19: Pride Party +

Virtual and on-site programming from the Dallas Arts District from 11 a.m.-7 p.m.

• June 20: Pride Party +

Virtual and on-site programming from the Dallas Arts District from 11 a.m.-5 p.m.

• Through June 20: Frida Kahlo: Five Works

Five works by Frida Kahlo from a private collection including four paintings and a drawing will be on display in the atrium on level 4 at the Dallas Museum of Art, 1717 N. Harwood St. DMA.org.

• June 22: Get Centered tour

Virtual Resource Center tour streams for free at 5 p.m. Registration required. MyResourceCenter.org.

• June 26: Musical Moments

Coalition for Aging LGBT presents a virtual concert series featuring LGBTQ artists and allies the last Saturday of the month at 3 p.m. To register, visit cfa.lgbt/musicalmoments.

• June 26: Trinity Pride

A hybrid celebration will consist of a live stream of Virtual Trinity Pride Fest on Facebook Live as well as at official Trinity Pride Partner locations throughout Fort Worth at 7 p.m.

• June 27-Sept. 5: Buddha, Shiva, Lotus, Dragon

The Kimbell Art Museum presents Buddha, Shiva, Lotus, Dragon: The Mr. and Mrs. John D. Rockefeller 3rd Collection at Asia Society, a collection of sculptures, bronzes, ceramics and metalwork. Kimbell Art Museum, 3333 Camp Bowie Blvd., Fort Worth. KimbellMuseum.org.

• June 30: AIDS Walk South Dallas

Tenth anniversary AIDS Walk South Dallas 5K run/walk kicks off at 8 a.m. This year’s theme “Intensifying The Fight for Health and Rights” extends the mission which is to inspire, educate and galvanize the community of South Dallas and surrounding areas to continue to curb the spread of HIV/AIDS and assist those impacted. MLK Jr. Community Center, 2922 MLK Jr. Blvd. From $25.

• June 30-July 4, July 8-11, July 15-18 and July 22-24: The Complete Works of Shakespeare (Abridged)

Shakespeare Dallas presents parodies of the plays of William Shakespeare performed in comically shortened form by three actors at Samuell-Grand Amphitheatre, 6000 E. Grand Ave. at 8:15 p.m.

JULY

• July 4: Independence Day

• July 8: PFLAG Dallas

Virtual support meeting for parents, family and friends of LGBTQ people meets the second Thursday of the month at 7 p.m. Register for link at PFLAGDallas.org.

• July 10: Queer Reads

Queer Reads is an online book club meets the second Saturday of every month from 6:30-7:30 p.m. Register at dallaslibrary.librarymarket.com/events/queer-reads-book-club-0.

• July 16: Federal Club

The history of LGBTQ in North texas, Part 2. Dr. Stephen Pounders discusses the history of the AIDS crisis in North Texas. For information, visit DFWFederalClub.org.

• July 16: Name and gender change workshop

Lambda Legal discusses what the process looks like in Texas to secure state and federal identity documents. Lawyers can receive CLE credit. Meeting via Zoom. LambdaLegal.org.

• Now through July 10: Lonesome Dove: Photos by Bill Wittliff

Lonesome Dove — Larry McMurtry’s epic novel of two aging Texas Rangers who drive a herd of stolen cattle 2,500 miles from the Rio Grande to Montana to found the first ranch there — truly captured public imagination. The Lonesome Dove Miniseries, which first aired on CBS in 1989, lassoed an even wider audience. Capturing the sweeping visual imagery of the original miniseries, the Lonesome Dove exhibition presents classic images taken during filming by Bill Wittliff, renowned photographer, writer, and executive producer of Lonesome Dove. The images, however, are worlds apart from ordinary production stills, depicting an extraordinary union of art, literature, and history. Dupree Lobby, Irving Arts Center, 3333 North MacArthur Blvd., Irving.

• Through July 25: Cubism in Color: The Still Lifes of Juan Gris

First U.S. exhibit of cubist Juan Gris in 35 years with more than 40 of his paintings and collages. Dallas Museum of Art, 1717 N. Harwood St. DMA.org.

• July 27: Name and gender change workshop

Lambda Legal discusses what the process looks like in Texas to secure state and federal identity documents. Lawyers can receive CLE credit. Meeting via Zoom. LambdaLegal.org.

AUGUST

• Aug. 3: Name and gender change workshop

Lambda Legal discusses what the process looks like in Texas to secure state and federal identity documents. Lawyers can receive CLE credit. Meeting via Zoom. LambdaLegal.org.

• Aug. 3-Sept. 5: Wicked

Dallas Summer Musicals is back with a return of the musical Wicked, a look at what happened in Oz from a different angle. The Music Hall at Fair Park. DallasSummerMusicals.org.

• Aug. 12: PFLAG Dallas

Virtual support meeting for parents, family and friends of LGBTQ people meets the second Thursday of the month at 7 p.m. Register for link at PFLAGDallas.org.

• Aug 13: Name and gender change workshop

Lambda Legal discusses what the process looks like in Texas to secure state and federal identity documents. Lawyers can receive CLE credit. Meeting via Zoom. LambdaLegal.org.

• Aug. 20-21: New Media Artworks

New media artworks by Refik Anadol and Quayola commissioned by Fort Worth will premiere as the first of four major public art projects at Will Rogers Memorial Center. Free.

• Aug. 24: Get Centered tour

Virtual Resource Center tour streams for free at 5 p.m. Registration required. MyResourceCenter.org.

• Aug. 30: Name and gender change workshop

Lambda Legal discusses what the process looks like in Texas to secure state and federal identity documents. Lawyers can receive CLE credit. Meeting via Zoom. LambdaLegal.org.

SEPTEMBER

• Sept. 3: Name and gender change workshop

Lambda Legal discusses what the process looks like in Texas to secure state and federal identity documents. Lawyers can receive CLE credit. Meeting via Zoom. LambdaLegal.org.

• Sept. 9: PFLAG Dallas

Virtual support meeting for parents, family and friends of LGBTQ people meets the second Thursday of the month at 7 p.m. Register for link at PFLAGDallas.org.

• Sept. 18: North Texas Pride “Come As You are” Festival

North Texas Pride Foundation brings the community together to celebrate Pride in diversity. Sponsor and vendor booths, food and beverage, give aways, adult and kid activities, bands, DJ, dancing and entertainment. 11 a.m.-7 p.m. Saigling House, 902 E. 16th St., Plano. Free.

• Sept. 24: Awards luncheon

The LGBT Chamber’s 2021 Business & Community Excellence Awards Luncheon.

• Sept. 24: Wynonna Judd and Cactus Moser

Wynonna Judd and Cactus Moser perform live at The Kessler, 1230 W. Davis St. Tickets at Prekindle.com.

• Sept. 24-26: LGBTQ Outdoorfest

LGBT Outdoors camping weekend will feature hands-on outdoors workshops and that magic community building that can only take place outdoors around a campfire. Rainbow Ranch in Groesbeck.

• Sept. 25-Jan. 9: Anila Quayyum Agha: A Beautiful Despair

Introducing a dozen new ornate works by the multidisciplinary artist, Anila Quayyum Agha: A Beautiful Despair will open this fall at the Amon Carter Museum of American Art (the Carter). The exhibition debuts the latest evolution of Agha’s luminous lantern-like sculptures—two site-specific installation pieces commissioned by the Carter—alongside a corresponding series of drawings that elevate practices traditionally assigned as female handiwork, such as embroidery. Amon Carter Museum, 3501 Camp Bowie Blvd., Fort Worth. Free. CarterMuseum.org.

OCTOBER

• Oct. 3: LifeWalk

With ambassador picks, Biden faces donor vs. diversity test – Federal News Network

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With ambassador picks, Biden faces donor vs. diversity test – Federal News Network

President Joe Biden is facing a fresh challenge to his oft-repeated commitment to diversity in his administration: assembling a diplomatic corps that gives a nod to key political allies and donors while staying true to a campaign pledge to appoint ambassadors who look like America.

More than three months into his administration, Biden has put forward just 11 ambassador nominations and has more than 80 such slots to fill around the globe. Administration officials this week signaled that Biden is ready to ramp up ambassador nominations as the president prepares for foreign travel and turns greater attention to global efforts to fight the coronavirus.

Lobbying has intensified for more sought-after ambassadorial postings — including dozens of assignments that past presidents often dispensed as rewards to political allies and top donors. Those appointments often come with an expectation that the appointees can foot the bill for entertaining on behalf of the United States in pricey, high-profile capitals.

But as he did with the assembling of his Cabinet and hiring top advisers, Biden is putting a premium on broadening representation in what historically has been one of the least diverse areas of government, White House officials say.

“The president looks to ensuring that the people representing him — not just in the United States, but around the world — represent the diversity of the country,” White House press secretary Jen Psaki told reporters this week.

Presidents on both sides of the aisle have rewarded donors and key supporters with a significant slice of sought-after ambassadorships. About 44% of Donald Trump’s ambassadorial appointments were political appointees, compared with 31% for Barack Obama and 32% for George W. Bush, according to the American Foreign Service Association. Biden hopes to keep political appointments to about 30% of ambassador picks, according to an administration official who spoke on the condition of anonymity to talk about internal discussions.

Most political appointees from the donor class, a small population that’s made up of predominantly white men, have little impact on foreign policy. Occasionally, they have been the source of presidential headaches.

Trump’s appointees included hotelier and $1 million inaugural contributor Gordon Sondland, who served as chief envoy to the European Union. Sondland provided unflattering testimony about Trump during his first impeachment, which centered on allegations Trump sought help from Ukrainian authorities to undermine Biden ahead of the 2020 presidential election. Sondland was later fired by Trump.

Trump donor-turned-envoy Jeffrey Ross Gunter left locals in relatively crime-free Reykjavik, Iceland, aghast over his request to hire armed bodyguards. In Britain, Ambassador Robert “Woody” Johnson faced accusations he tried to steer golf’s British Open toward a Trump resort in Scotland and made racist and sexist comments.

In 2014, the American Foreign Service Association called for new guidelines to ensure that ambassadors meet certain qualifications for top diplomatic posts after a series of embarrassing confirmation hearings involving top Obama fundraisers. At least three of Obama’s nominees — for Norway, Argentina and Iceland — acknowledged during confirmation hearings that they had never been to the nations where they would serve.

Another big Obama donor, Cynthia Stroum, had a one-year tour in Luxembourg that was fraught with personality conflicts, verbal abuse and questionable expenditures on travel, wine and liquor, according to an internal State Department report.

So far, Biden has made two political appointments — retired career foreign service officer Linda Thomas-Greenfield for U.N. ambassador and Obama-era Deputy Labor Secretary Christopher Lu for another ambassadorial-ranked position at the U.N. Thomas-Greenfield is Black, and Lu, who is awaiting Senate confirmation, is Asian American.

His other nine nominees are all longtime career foreign service officers, picked to head up diplomatic missions in Algeria, Angola, Bahrain, Cameroon, Lesotho, Republic of Congo, Senegal, Somalia and Vietnam.

Jockeying for ambassadorial positions started soon after Biden was elected and has only heated up as administration officials have signaled that the president is looking to begin filling vacancies ahead of his first overseas travel next month.

Cindy McCain, the widow of Republican Sen. John McCain and a longtime friend of the president and first lady Jill Biden, is under consideration for an ambassadorial position, including leading the U.N. World Food Program. Rahm Emanuel, the former Chicago mayor, Illinois congressman and Obama chief of staff, is in contention to serve as ambassador to Japan after being passed up for the role of transportation secretary, according to people familiar with the ongoing deliberations who spoke on the condition of anonymity to discuss personnel matters.

Biden is also giving close consideration to former career foreign service officer Nicholas Burns, who served as undersecretary of state under George W. Bush and as U.S. envoy to Greece and NATO, to become ambassador to China. Thomas Nides, a former deputy secretary of state in the Obama administration, and Robert Wexler, a former Democratic congressman from Florida, are under consideration for ambassador to Israel.

The White House declined to comment about any of the potential picks.

Of the 104 diplomats currently serving or nominated for ambassador-level positions, 39 are women and 10 are people of color, according to the Leadership Council for Women in National Security, a bipartisan group of national security experts.

A group of more than 30 former female U.S. ambassadors, in an open letter organized by the Leadership Council and Women Ambassadors Serving America, urged Biden to prioritize gender parity in his selections for ambassadorships and other high-level national security positions.

“As you build out your diplomatic leadership, we hope you will pay attention to growing allies within the U.S. government who will also focus upon the diversity America’s representatives to the world should demonstrate,” the former ambassadors told Biden.

During the transition, Reps. Veronica Escobar and Joaquin Castro, both Texas Democrats, wrote a joint letter to Secretary of State Antony Blinken urging the administration to address the “persistence of grave disparities in racial and ethnic minority representation in the Foreign Service.”

To that end, the State Department last month appointed veteran diplomat Gina Abercrombie-Winstanley as its first chief diversity and inclusion officer. Abercrombie-Winstanley will be the point person in a department-wide effort to bolster recruitment, retention and promotion of minority foreign service officers.

Blinken, in announcing her appointment, noted “the alarming lack of diversity at the highest levels of the State Department” during the Trump administration, but said the issue runs much deeper.

“The truth is this problem is as old as the department itself,” he said.

As a candidate, Biden declined to rule out appointing political donors to ambassadorships or other posts if he was elected. But he pledged his nominees would be the “best people” for their posts.

“Nobody, in fact, will be appointed by me based on anything they contributed,” Biden promised.

Ronald Neumann, a former ambassador to Afghanistan, Algeria and Bahrain, said Biden’s team has made progress in the early going in diversifying the upper ranks of the State Department.

He pointed to the nomination of Donald Lu, a career foreign service officer, as the next assistant secretary of state for South and Central Asia and Brian A. Nichols to be the top envoy for Latin America. Nichols would be the first Black assistant secretary of state for Western Hemisphere affairs since the late 1970s; Lu is Asian American.

In addition, the State Department’s chief spokesperson, Ned Price, is the first openly gay man to serve in that role. His principal deputy, Jalina Porter, is the first Black woman in that job.

“I think the administration is finding a good balance of experienced, accomplished career foreign service officers coming from diverse backgrounds,” said Neumann, who heads the American Academy of Diplomacy.

Finding good picks from Biden’s donor class, however, might be trickier, Neumann said, adding, “I don’t know how you go about finding competent, big donors from a pool that might be limited in diversity.”

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AP Diplomatic Writer Matthew Lee contributed to this report.

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Jenner’s Candidacy Reveals The Tolerant Party Isn’t Democrats – The Federalist

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Jenner’s Candidacy Reveals The Tolerant Party Isn’t Democrats – The Federalist

Whether or not California voters consider Caitlyn Jenner a serious candidate for governor, the former Olympian and reality-TV star has made a splash with an announced entry into politics. Yet Jenner is facing vile backlash from the so-called tolerant and inclusive left.

Upon gearing up to launch the campaign, Jenner defended women’s sports by stating the issue is “a question of fairness.”

“That’s why I oppose biological boys who are trans competing in girls’ sports in school,” Jenner told a TMZ reporter in a Malibu parking lot. “It just isn’t fair. And we have to protect girls’ sports in our schools.”

Jenner, of course, understands better than anyone why excluding transgender athletes from women’s sports isn’t discriminatory. Before becoming Caitlyn in April 2015, Bruce Jenner was a gold medal Olympic athlete. At the 1976 Summer Olympics in Montreal during the height of the Cold War, Jenner set a world record score of 8,618 points in the men’s decathlon event and was dubbed “the world’s greatest athlete.”

Significantly, Jenner’s first campaign ad includes multiple clips of that athletic career, including one of a TV announcer referring to the former athlete as a “he.”

Yet, rather than deny the past, Jenner embraces it, acknowledging Bruce as part of what is now a complicated history. Having competed athletically against men, it is obvious why Jenner would conclude that biological men should not be allowed in competitive women’s sport. Jenner knows intuitively that female Olympians would not have stood a chance against Bruce. But for expressing this completely reasonable opinion, Jenner is now facing personal, vicious attacks.”

On MSNBC, transgender activist Charlotte Clymer called Jenner, “a hateful person,” “a hypocrite,” and “the Phyllis Schlafly of the trans community.” Jemele Hill, a sports journalist and contributor at The Atlantic, announced to her 1.4 million Twitter followers that Jenner is, “the Candace Owens of the trans community.”

Equality California, an LGBTQ advocacy organization, wrote, “Here are the facts: Caitlyn Jenner is willing to sacrifice the health & well-being of trans kids to win votes.” Male-to-female transgender model Plastic Martyr called Jenner a “self loathing, vapid fame-whore that abuses her privilege & platform …’”

The reaction to a former Olympian stating basic facts about sex and biology is revealing. Similar to the way leftist Twitter users made racist attacks against Republican Sen. Tim Scott, R-S.C., for the crime of upstaging President Joe Biden’s first joint address to Congress, so-called woke activists are trying to bully an Olympic athlete who is now transgender for having “problematic” opinions about women’s sports.

Conservatives, by contrast, generally reacted positively to Jenner’s stance on women’s sports, as well as Jenner’s first campaign ad, which called for schools and businesses to reopen immediately. The positive reaction suggests conservatives are largely at peace with how grown adults choose to live, so long as they don’t try to force an agenda on everyone else. And many are willing to accept individual complexity in a way that leftists are not.

When conservatives push back, it is largely against activists who attempt to push their lifestyle, ideology, and politics on the rest of us — particularly children. Accepting the decision of a grown adult to transition is different from teaching gender ideology to children, or forcing women and girls to compete against biological males in sports.

Jenner supports efforts to protect the integrity of girl’s and women’s sports, which is an encouraging, honest, and brave position. Yet it’s unclear what Jenner supports in terms of LGBT ideology and race in the classroom. Moving forward, these will be important questions to ask. But for now, it says a lot that conservatives are leaving the door open to compromise that leftists would rather pretend doesn’t exist.

Back during the early years of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians,” Jenner routinely came off as the calm, rational one. Perhaps that was an easy role to play given the contrast with momager Kris, but it may also suggest that, while appearances have changed, much about Jenner remains the same.

As an Olympic athlete with vast wealth, Jenner is in a privileged position to be able to express politically incorrect opinions about politics and women’s sports. The country would be better off if all of us felt free to do the same.

‘Ellen’ Was Cancelled, Despite Great Ratings, Because of Societal Homophobia – Showbiz Cheat Sheet

Kim Martel
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‘Ellen’ Was Cancelled, Despite Great Ratings, Because of Societal Homophobia – Showbiz Cheat Sheet

TV in the ’90s is significantly different from TV today. While both eras take society’s thoughts into account when determining where shows go down the road, it was much more common in the ’90s for society to adhere to homophobia and racism, whereas society calls for cancellations for the exact opposite today.

Unfortunately for Ellen DeGeneres‘ iconic sitcom Ellen, the show fell victim to societal homophobia despite having high ratings prior to her publicly coming out as gay. This would lead to its inevitable cancellation that was unwarranted and fueled by hate.

(L-R): Carrie Fisher, Ellen DeGeneres, and Joely Fisher perform in a scene from 'Ellen' at Disney Studios, Burbank, California, November 1, 1995.

(L-R): Carrie Fisher, Ellen DeGeneres, and Joely Fisher perform in a scene from ‘Ellen’ at Disney Studios, Burbank, California, November 1, 1995. | Bob Riha, Jr./Getty Images

RELATED: Why Some LGBTQ Are Questioning If Ellen DeGeneres Is Still Fighting For the Marginalized Community

Following the main character Ellen Morgan (played by creator and actor DeGeneres), viewers watched the funny sitcom about an LA woman dealing with her many vibrant friends (Paige Clark, Adam Green, Spence Novak, Joe Farrell, and Audrey Penney) and overbearing parents (Lois and Harold) while navigating her own personal and professional struggles in her 30s. 

She starts off living with her roommate Adam and then her cousin as she grinds through her job at the local bookstore “Buy the Book.” However, we see the character grow into her own success by season two as she buys her own house and even the bookstore.

She’s quirky, quick to please, and completely awkward when it comes to her shyness and embarrassment, but she was still a very likable character for viewers — that is until the character came out as gay in season four following DeGeneres’ coming out in real life. This would lead to other struggles surrounding her sexual orientation.

How long it aired and when it got cancelled

RELATED: Oprah Winfrey Received More Hate Mail for Appearing on ‘Ellen’ Than Any of Her Other Roles

After five seasons long of airing successfully on ABC and high ratings to back its success since its premiere in 1994, Ellen was cancelled in 1998. This came shortly after the main character came out as gay, which followed the actor coming out as gay.

Being an influential — although highly controversial — topic, the Ellen sitcom still made an impression on gays who were afraid to be themselves in an unaccepting society.  Out Magazine reported one person, in particular.

“In 1997 when Ellen’s sitcom was at the height of its popularity, I was in my mother’s basement lifting weights in front of the mirror and thinking ‘Am I gay?,’” Kate McKinnon said in an emotional tribute at the Golden Globes, “And, I was, and I still am.”

Why the show got cancelled 

RELATED: Ellen Page Called Out Chris Pratt’s ‘Homophobic’ Church Long Before the Internet Dubbed Him the Worst Chris

The reason for this highly-rated show getting cancelled is beyond shocking to people today, but you’d be even more shocked with people’s responses to the show following Ellen’s announcement that she is gay.

“Ellen had come out about her sexuality in season four, which made global waves. But after the media frenzy died down, the show had to deal with the severe backlash from anti-gay organizations, concerned parents, and it had to add a parental advisory,” Screen Rant reported. “The show also received flack for focusing too much on gay issues, which is baffling for obvious reasons and something that would never happen today.

His gambling was out of control 10 years ago. Now he’s a responsible gaming analyst for an international iGaming company – Toronto Star

Kim Martel
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His gambling was out of control 10 years ago. Now he’s a responsible gaming analyst for an international iGaming company – Toronto Star

Jason Applebaum knows too well the allure that gambling can have on a person.

As a dealer at Fallsview Casino in 2011, Applebaum would work his eight-hour shift and then drive across the border to gamble for hours at the Seneca Niagara Casino. He says he went “a year and a half without winning” at the card tables and slot machines. He took out a $10,000 loan at 30 per cent interest so he’d have more money for gambling.

“I was at Fort Erie casino (another time) playing the slots,” Applebaum, on a Zoom call from his apartment in downtown Toronto, said this week. “Within 10 minutes, I’d won $600 and I phoned a friend to gloat. He’s like ‘that’s good, now leave.’ I’m thinking ‘what do you mean, leave? That ($600) means I get to gamble all night.’ ”

As Applebaum told the story of his struggles with gambling, the proposed Safe and Regulated Sports Betting Act (Bill C-218) was going through opening debate in the Senate. The pending legalization of single-event sports betting in Canada — which could come as early as the end of this month — is expected to attract a deep pool of new gamblers placing wagers on their favourite teams and athletes. Governments, sports leagues and organizations, media, data and technology companies, and other stakeholders are already positioning themselves for their piece of the billions of dollars projected to flow from a regulated sports betting industry.

“It’s long overdue and Canadians will be better off with a legal market,” said Paul Pellizzari, the vice-president of global social responsibility for HardRock International who studied responsible gaming as a researcher and an author before joining the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation (OLG) in 2007 to create PlaySmart and other social responsibility programs.

Pellizzari played a leading role in the creation of the award-winning PlayersEdge, a gambling literacy and education program launched almost two years ago by HardRock International and Seminole Gaming. Unlike most responsible gambling programs, which focus almost exclusively on problem gamblers, PlayersEdge provides an across-the-board education strategy for new and casual players to seasoned regulars and anyone at risk of becoming a problem gambler.

According to Pellizzari, it’s good business for all stakeholders in a regulated sports betting and gaming world to provide information and safeguards to bettors.

“Canada is acknowledged as a leading jurisdiction in social responsibility,” said Pellizzari, pointing to lottery and gaming programs already being operated by provincial bodies across the country.

“Online sports wagering has been around for a long time; it just hasn’t been regulated and people get concerned about it because you can access it 24 hours a day. You want to get people into the habit of controlling their time and money (on sports betting).”

In Ontario, the province’s Alcohol and Gaming Commission has been receiving input from sportsbooks, sports organizations and other participants on what a regulated industry will look like, including responsible gambling initiatives.

“The U.K. is an industry leader when it comes to minimizing the harm from gambling,” said Applebaum, today a responsible gaming analyst with NSUS Group, an international iGaming company. “When (a bettor) crosses a certain threshold, they need to supply three months of bank statements showing income. The U.K. Gaming Commission has strong-armed the industry and said ‘these are our rules and you have to work within them.’ ”

Applebaum and Pellizzari each offered their own words of wisdom for sports betting novices.

“Set a budget, don’t chase your losses and understand gambling,” said Applebaum. “Betting $20 on a Leafs game here and there isn’t going to break you. But when you constantly do it . . . it doesn’t give you the same feeling and now you’re going to bet on two games, three games, parlays. And with all of the (online) sports sites, they have casinos and slots, so you’re going to dabble on those.”

Added Pellizzari: “Don’t see it as a way to make money, but as a way to enhance your entertainment value. And have a yearly budget for sports wagering.”

Applebaum’s experiences in sports betting have been limited to placing the odd wager during past trips to Las Vegas and playing Pro Line during the pandemic (”I’ve needed something to help pass the time”). With the tables and slots, however, he had realized by 2011 that his gambling was out of control. Applebaum found a recovery strategy “after many trials and errors” that included researching problem gambling and “educating myself on how casinos and gambling actually worked.”

Following four years of staying away from the slots and tables, Applebaum relapsed and a friend at work recommended a therapist. One month into his therapy, he discovered the root cause of his problem.

“I ended up coming out to her,” he said. “I’ve known I was gay since 12, 13 years old (but) in high school in the ’90s nobody talked about LGBTQ issues. I didn’t know any other kid or adult who was gay. We worked for six months at breaking down the wall I put up to stay in the closet.

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“I was medicating myself through gambling to make myself feel normal. The casino was my safe place.”

And how does Applebaum describe his relationship with betting today?

“I would describe myself as someone who has an awareness of the benefits of gambling, but who understands the harms it can create within my life.”

SM

Steve McAllister is the editor-in-chief of The Parleh sports betting newsletter. A freelance contributor to the Star’s Sports section, he is based in Toronto. Follow him on Twitter: @StevieMacSports

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Most important LGBT venues and areas in Nottingham showcased in new walking tour – Nottinghamshire Live

Kim Martel
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Most important LGBT venues and areas in Nottingham showcased in new walking tour – Nottinghamshire Live

A new walking tour of Nottingham has revealed some of the most important areas of Nottingham to the LGBT community.

The tour, sourced and put together by Troy Jenkinson, gives those participating an insight into the history of the city and its vibrant LGBT culture.

Two tours are available for people to try out – a shorter 45 minute ‘pink’ walk, and a longer 90 minute ‘yellow’ walk.

The routes, which have been carefully put together, will allow walkers to see every street, building or area of LGBT significance Nottingham has to offer.

Troy Jenkinson, 44, a headteacher from Radcliffe-on-Trent, told Nottinghamshire Live: “I’ve grown up in Nottingham and I have a passion for history.

“If it wasn’t for some of these places I have identified on the map, I wouldn’t be as confident in myself, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.”

Troy, who is also the author of children’s picture books designed to normalise same-sex relationships to children, took two months to research and source all the information he needed for the guide – which has more than 30 stops for people to visit.




The tour, which is completely free to access, shows how historic figures such as Robin Hood have links to the LGBT community dating back many years.

Here are just some of the city centre areas with an LGBT history which are featured in the tour.

Palaise De Dance (now Pryzm)

This nightclub, which is now Pryzm, was one of the super clubs that hosted gay nights back in the 90s for the LGBT community to enjoy.

Broad Street

Broad Street in Hockley has rainbow crossings created during the 2019 Pride celebrations.

It was here where Pink Lace, the predecessor of Nottingham Pride, began back in 1997.

Broad Street has been home to a number of gay-friendly establishments over the years.

Black Boy Hotel (Primark)



Primark in Long Row, Nottingham City Centre
Primark in Long Row, Nottingham City Centre

The Black Boy Hotel, which is now a Primark in the city centre, housed one of the gay bars in the 1960s.

A small plaque on one of the pillars of the esplanade still remains as a nod to its history.

The ‘Gay Garage’ on Huntingdon Street

Huntingdon Street was once home to the ‘Gay Garage’, now a Shell garage, which was named by those who spilled out of the gay clubs and visited the garage for late-night snacks.

Revolution at MGM

Ocean nighclub is currently located on the corner of Collin Street.

The nightclub was once made up of the clubs MGM, The Sherwood Rooms and Astoria. For two decades, on the first Monday of every month, ‘Revolution’ was put on for the gay community – people travelled from all corners of the East Midlands for the popular night out.

Parkside Club on Station Street

The first ever gay club in Nottingham was the Parkside Club, a club on Station Street which most recently operated as an antiques centre.

The building was demolished in 2021 after being derelict for some time.

The Arboretum




The park was the home of Nottingham Pride for a number of years.

The celebration of the LGBTQ+ community has also been held at the Forest Recreation Ground, Nottingham Castle and most recently the Lace Market area of the city centre.

The People’s Centre in Mansfield Road

The People’s Centre acted as an alternative citizen’s advice bureau, holding face-to-face advice sessions for gay men and women in the 1970’s.

The Old Dog and Partridge

The Old Dog and Partridge was one of the most popular gay bars in the 1970s, found on Broad Street.

At the time the gay bar was separate to the rest of the establishment, found at the back behind the ‘straight pub’. These places often had signs on the door labelled ‘Private Party’.

Gatsby’s

According to Troy, Gatsby’s was the ‘gay mecca’ in Nottingham for many years from 1983.

Located on the corner of Huntingdon Street and King Edwards Street, it was renamed Niche in 2007 and opened again as ‘New Gatsby’s’ in 2009 before closing again shortly after.

US State of Alabama Removes Anti-LGBT Language from Sex Ed Law – Human Rights Watch

Kim Martel
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US State of Alabama Removes Anti-LGBT Language from Sex Ed Law – Human Rights Watch

Alabama’s Governor Kay Ivey has signed a bill that will update the US state’s sexuality education law, removing inaccurate and stigmatizing language about lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people.

Previously, Alabama state law required that sexuality education emphasize “that homosexuality is not a lifestyle acceptable to the general public” and “homosexual conduct is a criminal offense under the laws of the state.”

The instruction was not only stigmatizing, but highly misleading. In 2003, the US Supreme Court ruled that bans on same-sex activity are unconstitutional and cannot be enforced.

Writing condemnation of LGBT people into school curricula puts LGBT children and youth at risk. Comprehensive sexuality education provides young people with accurate, appropriate information to be safe and healthy as they become sexually active. It can also help raise awareness around serious health risks such as the human papillomavirus (HPV) and related cancers. Requiring teachers to peddle misinformation and stigma in schools not only leaves young people in the dark but sends a dangerous and dehumanizing message that something is wrong with them.

Students and teachers in Alabama told Human Rights Watch this censorship around LGBT issues had a chilling effect. In schools where students face rampant bullying and slurs, they reported rarely, if ever, hearing positive messages about LGBT people from school officials. While the law specifically pertained to sexuality education, teachers were uncertain how far it extended and worried about backlash from parents or administrators if they taught about any LGBT topics.

But Alabama is not the only state contending with dangerous anti-LGBT curriculum laws. While Utah, Arizona, and South Carolina have recognized these laws are harmful and repealed them in recent years, Louisiana, Mississippi, Oklahoma, and Texas continue to keep them in place, putting LGBT kids at risk.

Removing anti-LGBT language is one of many important steps to make sexuality education in Alabama comprehensive and effective, and to make schools more welcoming to LGBT youth. Lawmakers should continue to develop and implement comprehensive sexuality education that is age-appropriate, scientifically and medically accurate, and responsive to the needs of all young people.

‘Take every moment and love each other’: Family shares lessons through ALS, tumor diagnoses – Naples Daily News

News Editor
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‘Take every moment and love each other’: Family shares lessons through ALS, tumor diagnoses – Naples Daily News

Gay Valimont moves her son, 8-year-old Eli, from his wheelchair to his bed.

Through the filtered light of the sheer curtains, his bright orange and blue-striped bedroom nearly glows in the quiet of late morning. In this process of climbing back into his unmade bed, Eli belches. 

“Did you just burp on me?” Gay asks.

“Yeah,” Eli says.

“Gross,” Gay answers. 

Their chubby little beagle, Daisy, propels herself onto the bed, settling on Eli’s chest. 

“Don’t step on his nuggets,” Gay warns the pooch. 

This is a good day. Things are calm. Things are manageable. Gay can take the dirty plates to the kitchen, brush the crumbs into the garbage can and poke her head outside for a few minutes without being called back. 

Photo gallery: North Naples family navigates life with ALS, tumor diagnoses

Gay transfers Eli from his wheelchair to his bed at their home in North Naples on Tuesday, May 4, 2021. “I hope she finds peace. Wherever that is. Whatever form that takes. I hope that it finally comes to her,” Brian wrote. “Eli and I will be waiting for her.”

She doesn’t have to think about everything she’s losing.  

In her head, she has a message for the world. Something she wishes she knew earlier. 

“There’s not one minute to waste.”

From the first minute Brian Valimont saw her, he wasted no time. But he almost didn’t see her. 

Previously: Mothers host Wear Orange event in Naples after National Gun Violence Awareness Day

At Atlanta’s Highland Tap bar, the crowd was shoulder-to-shoulder. In front of him, his friend tried flagging down the bartender, and Valimont distracted himself talking to someone in the throng. When his friend scored the shot and stepped back, Brian set his eyes on a beautiful blonde with soft brown eyes.

The blonde, who would become his wife, Gay, drew him into the easiest conversation he’d had with a stranger. Between words, she slammed a shot of Jägermeister and kept on talking.

“I thought, ‘Oh my god, she is so awesome,’” he wrote in an email.

Brian waited 2½ days before he called to ask her out, and a month later, took her to a wedding. In the morning, she rolled over, kissed him and said “I love you.”

She gasped, and tried again.

“I don’t love you. I mean, I’m going to marry you,” she said.

That wasn’t true; She did love him. And 13 years of marriage and an 8-year-old son later, she still loves him. She loves him so much it hurts.

Gay and Eli kiss through their masks as they sit in the waiting room of GenesisCare where Eli receives daily radiation treatments in North Naples on Friday, April 30, 2021. “For me to tell you that I’m sad — there aren’t words to describe it,” Gay said. “But I know that as long as Eli is alive and that Brian is alive that I’ll do my best to make sure that their quality of life and their treatment, everything they need, they will have. But I cannot see a life past that.”

It hurts because Brian is slipping away from her. Her husband was diagnosed with ALS last year. When she thinks about it, when she talks about it, tears choke her voice. 

“I don’t hear his voice anymore, because he can’t talk, and that’s the worst part of it,” she said, crying. “That’s the worst part.” 

It hurts because Gay’s son, Eli, sat on her lap and smiled with just one half of his cherubic grin.

It was the first undeniable sign of the condition they hadn’t yet diagnosed: diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma. 

A diffuse intrinsic glioma, or DIPG for short, is a type of tumor that begins in the brain stem, according to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. It has no cure.

Gay Valimont
I don’t hear his voice anymore, because he can’t talk, and that’s the worst part of it.

These days, there is no typical day. It’s routine punctuated by crisis. 

Gay’s life is a series of hurdles to jump and fires to put out. Like when Eli would shriek from the other room, his apparent emergency a desperate need for popcorn. Or when Brian’s electric wheelchair got caught on the rug, and she heaved against it with her 85-year-old stepfather, Wayne, for hours in between running to Eli when he needed her. 

It’s better for Gay when there’s something to focus on, something to do or someone to help. It’s when she stops that the momentum crashes into her in a wave of grief. 

“When I have time to just sit is when I have time to think about … ‘my whole family’s dying,’” she said. 

Brian, 44, isn’t a fan of cliches. He, like Gay, struggled to admit his love for her. Both were divorced when they met. He can’t speak, anymore, and conducted this interview via email.

“I think the night I met Gay my soul recognized hers,” he wrote. “I still didn’t admit I loved her for a month and a half, because my stupid ego said I was divorced just 8 months ago, but I knew I loved her. I don’t know how I knew — everything was right. There (was) no apprehension except what I conjured, and I kicked my ego and fear to the curb.”

Brian is a human factors engineer at Arthrex in Naples. He loves the fact that Gay is a combination of the best contradictions. He loves that she’s intelligent, organized, inspiring and social. 

Gay Valimont, left, pets Daisy, the family beagle, while her husband Brian Valimont, center, watches and their son Eli Valimont, 8, right, plays with slime at their home in North Naples on Friday, April 30, 2021. The Valimonts' lives have changed drastically over the past year — Brian was diagnosed with ALS in August of 2020 and a few months later, Eli was diagnosed with DIPG, an incurable brain tumor that begins in the brain stem. Despite the grief and stress, Gay cherishes every moment she has with her family. "Take every moment and love each other," she said.

Gay Valimont, left, pets Daisy, the family beagle, while her husband Brian Valimont, center, watches and their son Eli Valimont, 8, right, plays with slime…
Gay Valimont, left, pets Daisy, the family beagle, while her husband Brian Valimont, center, watches and their son Eli Valimont, 8, right, plays with slime at their home in North Naples on Friday, April 30, 2021. The Valimonts’ lives have changed drastically over the past year — Brian was diagnosed with ALS in August of 2020 and a few months later, Eli was diagnosed with DIPG, an incurable brain tumor that begins in the brain stem. Despite the grief and stress, Gay cherishes every moment she has with her family. “Take every moment and love each other,” she said.
Alex Driehaus/Naples Daily News/USA TODAY – FLORIDA NETWORK

He loves her bleeding heart and the ferocity with which she fights. 

“She is strong beyond her own recognition. She’s beautiful and funny, and I still have more fun with her than any of my other friends. She’s the great love of my life,” Brian wrote. 

Gay, 48, spent three years as a volunteer leader with the Florida Chapter of Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America, though she’s a stay-at-home mom now. She got involved after Sandy Hook, when Eli was only 6 months old.

“I always said it was for Eli,” she said. 

There are those contradictions, though. No matter how much Gay does, Brian knows she doesn’t feel like it’s enough. 

“She will sacrifice all her time and energy to help someone — far beyond what any ‘sane’ person would offer,” he wrote. 

Brian Valimont
She is strong beyond her own recognition. She’s beautiful and funny, and I still have more fun with her than any of my other friends. She’s the great love of my life.

Gay does, however, get agitated about a few of his habits. Like his propensity for leaving beer bottle caps everywhere when he drinks, or how when he would put the dishes away, he’d leave the cabinet open.

Other than that?

“I tell people a lot that this whole thing has just been so painful because I’ve never, ever been mad at this man. Ever. In 13 years of marriage,” Gay said. “He can talk to anybody and make that other person feel like the most important person in the room.” 

The couple didn’t think they’d get pregnant. They started fertility treatments after testing revealed they had a 1-3% chance of conceiving, though they eventually decided to stop. 

When Gay wasn’t feeling well for a few days, a friend thought mimosas would be the perfect pick-me-up. Gay wasn’t so sure. She went to the store and bought Champagne, as well as a pregnancy test. She told the cashier, she’d take the test first and wouldn’t drink if it was positive. 

Gay Valimont looks at a photo from the day Eli was born as she sits at the kitchen table.
Gay Valimont looks at a photo from the day Eli was born as she sits at the kitchen table.
Gay Valimont looks at a photo from the day Eli was born as she sits at the kitchen table.
Alex Dreihaus / Naples Daily News

She did not drink. Instead, she and Brian celebrated. 

“Baby, I’m pregnant,” Gay said, as they teared up and embraced.

“But we live in a shitty school district,” Brian said, thinking ahead as he does. 

Eli entered the world on May 21, 2012, with Brian by the bedside. Gay remembers her hair was red and she was 39 and the NBA playoffs were happening. Gay doesn’t remember who was playing. But she remembers holding Eli in her arms for the first time. It doesn’t take much to describe the feeling. 

“Amazing,” Gay said. 

Since Eli was a toddler, he and Gay sang and danced in their seats, rocking out to the car radio. 

Eli, a smartypants by Gay’s standards, with a strong T-shirt game by his aunt’s standards, still grooves with his mom in the car, blue eyepatch — for his double vision — and all. 

“There is a time where I never thought I’d want to listen to Justin Bieber’s ‘Sorry’ again,” Gay said. 

“That is a moment of pure happiness, and I so love to hear them sing,” Brian wrote. 

North Naples family navigates life with ALS, tumor diagnoses

When Brian Valimont was no longer able to speak because of his ALS, he re-sent all of the voice messages he had recorded for his wife Gay over the years so she could listen to them when she needed to hear his voice.

Alex Driehaus, Naples Daily News

The family noticed, in February 2020, that Brian occasionally slurred his words, even when he hadn’t had a drink. He didn’t realize he was doing it.

Then, a month later, the family was walking Daisy. Gay handed the leash to Brian, but Brian couldn’t do it. 

“He couldn’t pick his feet up,” she said. 

Eventually, after a series of testing, a process of elimination confirmed their fears: Brian had ALS. 

ALS — amyotrophic lateral sclerosis — is also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease and involves the degeneration of nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord. Reports suggest between 12,000-15,000 people in the United States have ALS, though no one knows exact numbers, according to the CDC. The average life expectancy for a person diagnosed with ALS ranges from 2-5 years.

Patti Stanco, Southwest Florida’s regional program manager with the Florida chapter of the ALS Association, acts as a liaison at Lee Memorial’s ALS clinic.

“The tricky thing with ALS is it starts and progresses differently with everyone,” Stanco said in an October interview with the Daily News. “I think at the beginning, there’s a ton of grief and a ton of sadness, because it’s a terminal illness and there’s no treatment and no cure.”

As with everything else in their lives, grief is something Brian and Gay have shared. 

“Gay and I grieved for about a week after my diagnosis, then I dealt with it as I might with any problem. I researched it and read a couple textbooks. We found the best medical team and I’ve entered a clinical trial. We’ve done everything to lengthen my survival. That’s how (I) deal with each day, a series of obstacles I have to overcome to accomplish the goals for that day,” Brian wrote. 

TOP: Brian looks up at Gay as they hug. “I think the night I met Gay my soul recognized hers,” Brian wrote. CENTER: Gay helps Brian with his feeding tube. BOTTOM: Eli and Brian hold hands during a party held for Eli at their home.
LEFT: Brian looks up at Gay as they hug. “I think the night I met Gay my soul recognized hers,” Brian wrote. TOP RIGHT: Gay helps Brian with his feeding tube. BOTTOM RIGHT: Eli and Brian hold hands during a party held for Eli at their home.
LEFT: Brian looks up at Gay as they hug. “I think the night I met Gay my soul recognized hers,” Brian wrote. TOP RIGHT: Gay helps Brian with his feeding tube. BOTTOM RIGHT: Eli and Brian hold hands during a party held for Eli at their home.
Alex Dreihaus / Naples Daily News

Physically, Brian’s body is failing him in his ways his mind is not. He can work remotely, using his right hand. It’s important for him to support his family, to contribute. 

He made a vow to Gay, after all.

“I promised Gay that I wouldn’t leave her. I need to maximize my survival time for the possibility of new treatments,” Brian wrote. 

This spring, the challenges they faced as a family grew exponentially worse. On March 17, Gay’s mother had surgery. When Gay got home, Eli came and sat on his mom’s lap. He smiled with only one half of his face. 

Her first thought was Bell’s Palsy — something doctors agreed with at the emergency room. She followed up with her family doctor and, the next day, sent Eli back to school.

At 9:30 a.m., the school called to tell her Eli couldn’t walk. He couldn’t even stand. He was too dizzy. Ten hours later, they were airlifted to Miami. 

Eli lies still under a blanket before the start of his radiation treatment at Genesis Care in North Naples on Friday, April 30, 2021. A playlist of Eli's favorite pop music, including artists like Taylor Swift, plays over the speakers during his treatment, occasionally interspersed with gentle reminders to stay still from radiation therapist Kayla Gilbert.

Gay remembers staring at Eli from the helicopter’s jump seat, neither of them able to hear each other. Instead, she used her phone to write notes, telling Eli she loved him. He gave her a thumbs up. He fell asleep. 

“I just cried,” she said. “I thought, ‘Oh my God. He’s going to die before we get there.” 

When ALS robbed him of his voice and Brian could no longer speak, he re-sent all the old voice messages he had recorded for his wife over the years, things about traffic and the mundane and little morning greetings. At the hospital, on the opposite side of the state, alone with her son, Gay pulled up her phone and listened to Brian’s voice.

“I listened to them over and over again because I needed them to be there,” she said.

Gay Valimont
I just never imagined that my son wouldn’t go to middle school or high school.

In a similar sense, Eli found a way to be there for his mom while they waited for testing. 

A combination of a hunger and a recent interest in horror movies put Eli into a mood. He told his mom that if he didn’t eat soon, he’d kill her and eat her carcass.

“If you’ve never seen an 8-year-old starving, oh, get out of the way,” Gay said. “I didn’t know he knew the word carcass.” 

It was a brief moment of levity. Then she learned her son’s diagnosis. 

“It is terminal,” Gay said. “It may shrink. It may go away. But there’s no question that it will come back. It’s just when and how long.”

Gay and Brian, in the meantime, are doing everything in their power for their son. 

It’s why Eli has daily radiation treatments, his small head held still in a piece of plastic, a laser like a crosshair aimed just under the edge of his ears to zap the tumor. 

In moments of stillness, Gay reflects on the ways things changed. She and Brian knew, or at least they thought they did, that eventually, Eli would grow up without a dad. 

“It’s my job to take care of him. So I’ve been doing a lot to beat myself up,” Gay said. “I just never imagined that my son wouldn’t go to middle school or high school.” 

Grief for his son weighs heavy on Brian’s heart, too. 

“I don’t think I’ve fully dealt with my son’s terminal diagnosis,” Brian wrote. “When Gay and I have a moment to ponder, we just bawl.” 

Turning off Immokalee Road into Palm River Estates, the signs greet passersby with the same message: “We (heart) Eli + Brian.” Those same signs pop up throughout the neighborhood and down the Valimont’s street, some with a scattering of pinwheels in front, turning in the lazy afternoon breeze. 

“We’ve had an outpouring of people helping us,” Gay said. 

Leah Valimont, Brian’s sister, recognizes her brother as a smart, driven and supportive husband. She sees Gay as strong and steadfast in her convictions. She sees Eli as a sweet, funny kid. 

“People probably just see the goodness that they stand for,” Valimont said. “People just see that in them and know they’re good people.” 

Top: Pinwheels blow in the breeze as they surround a sign showing support for Eli and Brian placed on the lawn of one of the Valimonts’ neighbors. The signs have cropped up in yards all around Palm River Estates, from the neighborhood’s entrance all the way to the Valimonts’ street. Bottom: Eli does the limbo with the help of his teacher Christy Duda during a party held for him at his home. Friends, neighbors, and school district employees gathered to celebrate Eli with the help of a DJ and a food truck serving one of his favorite foods, grilled cheese. “We’ve had an outpouring of people helping us,” Gay said.
Left: Pinwheels blow in the breeze as they surround a sign showing support for Eli and Brian placed on the lawn of one of the Valimonts’ neighbors. The signs have cropped up in yards all around Palm River Estates, from the neighborhood’s entrance all the way to the Valimonts’ street. Right: Eli does the limbo with the help of his teacher Christy Duda during a party held for him at his home. Friends, neighbors, and school district employees gathered to celebrate Eli with the help of a DJ and a food truck serving one of his favorite foods, grilled cheese. “We’ve had an outpouring of people helping us,” Gay said.
Left: Pinwheels blow in the breeze as they surround a sign showing support for Eli and Brian placed on the lawn of one of the Valimonts’ neighbors. The signs have cropped up in yards all around Palm River Estates, from the neighborhood’s entrance all the way to the Valimonts’ street. Right: Eli does the limbo with the help of his teacher Christy Duda during a party held for him at his home. Friends, neighbors, and school district employees gathered to celebrate Eli with the help of a DJ and a food truck serving one of his favorite foods, grilled cheese. “We’ve had an outpouring of people helping us,” Gay said.
Alex Dreihaus / Naples Daily News

The family’s pool table is no longer functional. It’s covered corner-to-corner with gift bags, balloons, bubble wands, sweets and treats. A pile of mail on their countertop includes messages and letters of encouragement from complete strangers. One morning, Gay walked outside to find an assortment of painted rocks scattered around the gravel on the sidewalk up to their house.

She still doesn’t know who put them there. 

“It’s incredible,” Gay said. “It’s so important what you put out. And when you need something, people show up.” 

It’s a buoyant thought that keeps her afloat in a stream of sorrow and medical bills. 

“On top of everything as else, it would be nice not to have to deal with going into debt as well,” Gay said. “Although, I don’t care. They can put me in jail when it’s all over.” 

Still, donations continue to roll in to two separate GoFundMe pages, one with just under $90,000 of its $100,000 goal and the other with just under $40,000 of its $50,000 goal. A Caring Bridge site the family set up to directly share updates has received more than 11,000 visits. 

Brian, a Sigma Chi member when he attended Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, has a group of longtime friends who stop in to visit whenever they have a layover in the area. 

North Naples family navigates life with ALS, tumor diagnoses

Eli Valimont runs up the stairs of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. on December 29, 2020.

Courtesy of Gay Valimont

Pilot Chuck Bonini met Brian in 1995 and hasn’t seen his friend for almost 20 years, but he stopped by to say “Hello” on a late May morning. 

“It’s so good to see him,” Bonini said. “I never met anybody that didn’t like him.” 

Brian has never called Gay by her name. It’s always “babydoll.” 

She doesn’t need a phone’s worth of voice messages to remember her favorite Brian greeting. 

“Good morning, gorgeous.”

Devastated doesn’t quite cover what it’s been like for Brian to see how his and his son’s diagnoses have affected their family. 

“I’m heartbroken that the diseases have affected us, and the emotional, physical, and mental is greatest on Gay,” he wrote. “I’m also extremely frustrated that I can’t help take care of Eli or Gay. Literally, everything falls on her shoulders. I don’t know how she is still standing at the end of each day.” 

Gay, for her part, won’t rest. 

“For me to tell you that I’m sad — there aren’t words to describe it,” she said. “But I know that as long as Eli is alive and that Brian is alive that I’ll do my best to make sure that their quality of life and their treatment, everything they need, they will have. But I cannot see a life past that.” 

Eli, Brian, and Gay laugh as they talk before leaving the house to take Brian to physical therapy and Eli to radiation on Friday, April 30, 2021. “She is strong beyond her own recognition. She’s beautiful and funny, and I still have more fun with her than any of my other friends. She’s the great love of my life,” Brian wrote of Gay.

If she has it her way, nobody would be arguing with their kids about things like popcorn or grilled cheese or apple juice, the latter of which are Eli’s latest fixations. If he asks for it, he gets it now. 

“They work very hard for me,” Eli said of his mom and dad. 

Eli said his parents are funny. That they’re awesome. He agreed with Gay that, even in times like this, they have fun together. And he’s bummed, on a late April afternoon, when he finds out he missed his opportunity to see the neighborhood kids, the bike gang, Gay calls them, who came to visit Eli just before he got home. 

Eli reaches out, mid-conversation, putting a hand on his mother’s face. He leans over and kisses her on the cheek.

“That’s what I regret right now. That I ever yelled at you about anything. Not everything,” she clarifies. “Some things.” 

Brian Valimont
I hope she finds peace. Wherever that is. Whatever form that takes. I hope that it finally comes to her.

No moment is too small for Gay. 

She sucks the rest of the apple juice out of Eli’s empty straw and puts the cap back on so he can finish it later. On their lanai, she draws Brian’s head to her chest and he looks up into the same soft brown eyes that met his at that basement bar all those years ago. 

“Love them every day,” Gay said. “Take every moment and love each other.”

Brian wrote that their love as a family has not faltered through the tribulations they’ve faced. Physical survival may be in question, but not love. 

“I hope she finds peace. Wherever that is. Whatever form that takes. I hope that it finally comes to her,” Brian wrote. “Eli and I will be waiting for her.” 

Andrew Atkins writes about food and features for the Naples Daily News. Contact him via email at andrew.atkins@naplesnews.com. To support work like Andrew’s, please consider subscribing: https://cm.naplesnews.com/specialoffer/

Pastor: ‘Police elevating LGBT rights above others’ – The Christian Institute

Kim Martel
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Pastor: ‘Police elevating LGBT rights above others’ – The Christian Institute

A church minister who witnessed the unfair arrest of a street preacher has accused the Metropolitan police of putting the rights of LGBT people above those of other protected characteristics.

While sharing the Gospel outside Uxbridge station, Free Methodist minister Peter Simpson and fellow pastor John Sherwood were instructed by police officers to stop preaching as they had received complaints that what they were saying was ‘homophobic’.

Mr Sherwood, who had preached from Genesis 1 about the creation of families with both a father and mother, was forcibly removed from the platform he was standing on and was taken away in handcuffs, although he was later released without charge.

‘Political activism’

Revd Simpson said he would tell the London force: “you have actually already proven that you cannot be impartial in dealing with preachers, especially when it comes to LGBT matters. Because of your brazen participation all around the country, in Pride events. Police cars are painted in rainbow colours.

“It is a political move. Taking part in the parade of campaigning groups who are involved in political activism. The police should be divorced from political activism.”

See the moment Pastor John Sherwood is arrested:

He added that he will continue preaching on LGBT issues in the future.

He explained: “We’ve never majored on it. But we do refer to it, like we refer to abortion. And again, this does upset some Christian people, sadly, but we feel that there is a duty to mention the sins of any one generation.”

“The LGBT movement is trying to mold the whole of society”.

Wrongful arrest

In recent years, a number of street preachers who have been arrested or had their free speech curtailed by police officers have ultimately been vindicated.

In November 2019, Dale Mcalpine was paid £4,000 plus costs from Cumbria Police in settlement after pursuing a claim for wrongful arrest in July 2018.

Also in 2019, Oluwole Ilesanmi was arrested on suspicion of committing a hate crime after he criticised Islam while preaching in London.

He was later released and was awarded £2,500 for wrongful arrest.

Denied food

And in 2011, John Craven was wrongfully arrested by police and held in custody for over 19 hours after he quoted the Bible’s stance on homosexuality.

While detained, Craven was not offered food for almost 15 hours, and he says he was also denied access to medication for his rheumatoid arthritis.

Following legal assistance from The Christian Institute, he received £13,000 compensation in an out-of-court settlement.

Also see:

Crowd

Street preacher vindicated after wrongful arrest

Police uphold free speech for street preachers

CI victory for street preacher puts spotlight on police powers

Street preacher arrested outside St Paul’s Cathedral

Street preacher held by Police for 19 hours gets £13,000

Ian McKellen says his work got better after he came out as gay – The Independent

Kim Martel
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Ian McKellen says his work got better after he came out as gay – The Independent

Sir Ian McKellen has said his work improved after he came out as gay in the Eighties.

The actor, 81, talked about coming out during an appearance on The Jonathan Ross Show. McKellen revealed his sexuality to the public on BBC radio in 1988.

Discussing the aftermath, the actor said: “I [have] never stopped talking about it since. Made up for lost time. It changes your life utterly. I discovered myself. And everything was better. My relationships with my family, with friends, with strangers, and my work got better as I wasn’t hiding anymore.”

He added: “Up to that point, my acting had really been about disguise and then, when I could feel I was myself, it came about telling the truth, which was much more interesting.”

McKellen said his “dilemma” about coming out when he was younger was that if he was openly gay he “could have risked being prosecuted”.

In 1967, the Sexual Offences Act was passed which decriminalised private homosexual acts between men aged over 21, however full reform did not happen until over three decades later.

The criminalisation of anal sex was finally repealed in England and Wales by the Sexual Offences Act 2003.

McKellen also told the programme why he has not written an autobiography.

“I put aside six or nine months to write it – it was for an awful lot of money which was basically the attraction.”

However it was the “list of chat shows” across the world that he would be expected to appear on, “that would take a year” of his life, that put him off.

“I said I don’t have enough time,” he admitted. “So I gave them the money back.”

McKellen added: “I wanted to start with my parents, why did they decide to have me, just before the Second World War, they must have discussed this and thought about this. It’s too late to ask them and I can’t quite imagine.

“I got rather teary thinking about them as young people and wishing I’d known more about them. That was another reason why I rather went off the idea.”

The Jonathan Ross Show airs on Saturday 8 May on ITV.

Additional reporting by PA

More dads are choosing to stay at home with their kids. Will Covid-19 accelerate this trend? – CNBC

Kim Martel
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Growing up as a latchkey kid, Chris Hughes says the idea of being a stay-at-home dad was always appealing to him when he thought about life as a parent.

“Both of my parents were working professionals and that kind of influenced my decision to want to be a stay-at-home [dad] when I had children,” Hughes tells CNBC Make It, “because it was difficult as a child to have both parents always at work and to be alone.”

That’s why, when Hughes and his wife Jennifer had their first child six years ago, he opted to leave his job as a chef while his wife completed medical school and became a physician.

Now, as a stay-at-home dad with a 6-year-old and a 2-year-old, Hughes, who is based in Woodbridge, Connecticut, is part of a growing number of fathers who are challenging gender norms by being stay-at-home parents.

Stay-at-home dad Chris Hughes.

Courtesy of subject

Why more dads are staying home

While it’s unclear how many men have made the transition to full-time parenthood during the pandemic, the long-term trend shows a rise of stay-at-home fathers, though they are still a minority. In 2016, dads made up 17% of all stay-at-home parents in the U.S., up from 10% in 1989, according to Pew Research Center.

Over the last 50 years, dads as a group became much more active parents. In 2016, dads overall reported spending an average of eight hours a week on child care, about triple the time they spent in 1965. And fathers reported putting in about 10 hours a week on household chores, up from four hours in 1965. By comparison, mothers in 2016 spent an average of about 14 hours a week on child care and 18 hours a week on housework.

“If we look at public polling data, it’s absolutely clear that men’s hours of child care and housework have increased quite a bit over the last several decades,” says Scott Melzer, professor of sociology and chair of women’s, gender and sexuality studies at Albion College. “It still pales in comparison to how many hours women are putting in, but the culture has shifted.”

Fathers are doing more in the home for several reasons, including women’s increasing advancement at work and in education, as well ongoing shifts in economic trends. In 2010, following the Great Recession, Pew reports that a high of 2.2 million fathers were stay-at-home dads in the U.S. likely due to an increase in unemployment.

“In the aftermath of the Great Recession, we saw the share of all stay-at-home parents go up by several percentage points to about 29%,” says Pew Director of Social Trends Research Kim Parker. “And that was mainly because they were having difficulty finding a job.”

As the economy improved, Parker says the number of all stay-at-home parents dipped to about 25% in 2019. “We don’t know yet what impact the Covid-19 recession will have on these trends,” she explains. “But based on what we saw during the Great Recession and the increase in the share of parents who were unemployed, we might see something similar here…as we’ve seen both mothers and fathers lose jobs and move out of the labor force.”

While the pandemic has had a disproportionate impact on women, and mothers in particular, men have not been exempt from experiencing job loss or leaving the workforce over the past year. Between February 2020 and April 2021, nearly 1.6 million men left the labor force, according to the National Women’s Law Center. By comparison, nearly 2 million women left the labor force during the same time period.

But it’s not just the economy. A rising number of fathers are choosing to stay home specifically to care for their families. In 2016, 24% of stay-at-home dads said caring for their family was the main reason they were at home, as opposed to other factors like unemployment or a personal illness. That’s up from just 4% in 1989, according to Pew. By comparison, 78% of moms said they were at home specifically to care for family, down from 86% in 1989.

“Part of the change we’ve seen is attributed to the fact that many more mothers are working outside of the home now,” Parker says.

In 1950, women accounted for about one-third of the total labor force, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. By early 2020, women made up a little more than half of the U.S. workforce, though the pandemic has now caused a decrease in their labor force participation rate.

Additionally, in 2017 41% of mothers were the sole or primary breadwinners in their family, meaning that a growing number of married women are out-earning their husbands. As a result, some dads who make less money than their spouse are opting to stay home in order to avoid the high cost of child care.

Currently, in 33 states and Washington, D.C., infant care is more expensive than college, according to the Economic Policy Institute.

Stay-at-home dad Andrew Cooke

Courtesy of subject

Challenges and stereotypes

Although more dads are choosing to become stay-at-home parents, societal expectations and gender stereotypes still impact how they are viewed by peers and family.

“A friend of my wife’s told her that she cannot ever marry a man who’s not working,” says Andrew Cooke, a stay-at-home dad of eight years. “And it’s almost soul-crushing because my job is here with me at home when I’m teaching [my son] in school and when I’m feeding him and bathing him and making sure he does his homework.”

“A job does not always mean a paycheck,” says Cooke. “A job, to me, means responsibility.”

Shannon Carpenter, a stay-at-home dad of 13 years who wrote the book “The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad,” says there is a misconception that being a man means being the breadwinner. The idea that “my masculinity is tied to my job is a myth,” he says.

In a 2017 survey, 76% of adults said that men face a lot of pressure to support their family financially, while 49% said men face a lot of pressure to be involved as a parent, according to Pew. Meanwhile, 40% said women face the same pressures to financially provide for their family, and 77% said women face pressure to be an involved parent.

“There’s this sort of tension between what’s going on in the labor force and the achievements and advances that women have made in educational attainment… [and] then there are these societal attitudes that are kind of lagging some of those trends,” says Parker. “And I think that’s where some of the tensions and challenges come in for both mothers and fathers today.”

To help stay-at-home dads overcome these challenges and connect with other like-minded fathers, former New York City teachers turned stay-at-home parents Lance Somerfeld and Matt Schneider created a NYC Dads Group in November of 2008. Somerfield, who had just become a stay-at-home dad around that time, says the idea for the group came after he and Schneider experienced feelings of isolation as the only fathers at the playground surrounded by other mom groups.

“Our co-founder Matt Schneider tried to join a local moms group in his neighborhood and they very politely said, ‘You know, you seem like a really good guy, but the way the rules are for our group it’s too uncomfortable,'” Somerfeld says. “And they didn’t allow him into the group. And so we were really just looking for an inclusive place to figure out a way for dads to find community, to find our people and to mobilize.”

Somerfeld says his NYC Dads Group has since expanded to 41 metropolitan cities across the country, and is now known as just the City Dads Group.

Stay-at-home dad Chris Hughes and his family.

Courtesy of subject

Impact on gender equity

As the number of stay-at-home dads slowly starts to increase, experts are hopeful that a shift in expectations for moms and dads will take place.

While women still carry the brunt of child care and household responsibility, having more active dads in the home can create a more equitable division of labor and allow more women to be active in the workplace.

“I could have two kids during my medical school training and residency because I had a great support person who was willing to give up his career,” says Hughes’ wife Jennifer.

To help foster greater gender equality inside and outside the home, Melzer says policies need to be passed at “the federal level, state level and within organizations” that allow employers to provide moms and dads with equal opportunities to support their families.

“If we compare U.S. families with those of comparable nations in Europe, Scandinavian in particular, we find that the U.S. family leave policies are pretty meager,” he says. “We provide up to 12 weeks of unpaid job protected leave and only to individuals in certain contexts like those who work for larger employers with 50 plus employees.”

Currently, the U.S. is the only industrialized country without a federal paid leave policy. But advocates are hoping that will soon change as President Biden has proposed federal paid leave in his recently released American Families Plan.

In Sweden, where each parent is entitled to 240 days of paid parental leave, government leaders passed what Melzer calls a “use it or lose it policy,” which made the previously shareable leave nontransferable between parents.

“That really pushed men out of the workforce and into the homes,” he says. “So that structural policy change really led to a cultural shift, whereby it has become more acceptable for men to be stay-at-home dads.”

A 2019 report, “The State of Nordic Fathers,” found that 96% of fathers in Sweden not only said they felt capable of being caregivers but also that they wanted to be very active in the early years of their children’s lives.

“So we can see from these models that if the United States wants to have similar changes to our gender, work and family arrangements and dynamics,” says Melzer, “then we need to pass generous paid family leave policies.”

Additional reporting and video by Alysha Webb.

Check out: Meet the middle-aged millennial: Homeowner, debt-burdened and turning 40

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President Biden says closing gender pay gap is ‘a moral imperative’ as House passes Paycheck Fairness Act

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